Witty IM’s - 1

Clyde’isms is something that I have become familiar of late. If you are wondering what I am talking about , its simply this; a friend & excolleague (Clyde Alweyn) has found a innovative way to enliven Gmail. He puts a witty oneliner in his IM status everyday which in some way could be termed as a spoof of the daily dose of ‘Quotable Quotes’ or ‘thought for the day’ that one get to find nowadays. One such is on to the right of your screen. A number of times I have made an attempt to find original & innovative answers to his witty one liners and a collection of it is published in this article. I thought it would be interesting to share with my blog readers & elicit their response too. So here’s the list (part 1)

• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
No. Not until the synchronization is in the drowning too.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
That feel good can be explained by science while feel hurt cant, so its 'con'science
• Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Multi skilling would be an apt word
• Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Because it is going the distance so that others fall short
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
Why? You could be just standing there & guiding all of it.
• What's the speed of dark?
1- Speed of light (on absolute scale of 0 to 1). Light is chasing darkness isn’t it?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You are dead twice as over
• We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Things always go from bad to worse.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Is it simple interest or confounded interest
• Breaking News: The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland.
Has anything gone missing there
• Santa Claus is missing.
When was he found?
• Mix up: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Tragic beginning & end
• Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Role’ing over
• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Or cattle listening to swine flu jokes. Poor things dint realize what hit them.
• When you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Truth should not be taxing to the mind
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
When the pen nib starts squeaking
• For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
More apt would be : Virgin Parachute on sale, owner missing
• Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Is it the F with finger up or down
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Something god created to call ‘Entertainment Programme break’
• Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
Whats the second? Anyway the second one becomes irrelevant after the first
• Atheism - A non-prophet organization.
And what do they practise? – Scepticism?
• The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.
Programme scripting error
• To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.
Because natural is so unusual
• Would there be this eternal seeking if the found existed?
Circular reference error. Its a bit like the dog trying to scratch its tail, the itch is there but you cant reach it.